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The Reds and Greens But Mostly Reds

December 12, 2011

So here we are again, and I’m still working on a book that missed its deadline, and the number of aches and complaints in my body is reminding me that I’m no longer as young and spry as I once was, and I’m wondering why, if there are so many people out there reading this blog, then how is it that the only comments I get are cleverly worded spam designed to fool me into approving it? Or is it just that I’m convinced every comment I get is someone trying to fool me into approving it so they can sell Cialis or some foot ointment or such? Have I become paranoid? Have I run out of medication and forgotten to get my prescription refilled again? Have I finally had that psychotic break I’ve been secretly obsessed about all these years?

Nah, I’m not an idiot, I know spam when I see it. But seriously, why aren’t the rest of you calling me on my bullshit? I’ve had a few clever spambots try to sound critical of my posts, but they still slip in some sort of link to a toe jam cream or suppository supplement, which just takes all the fun out of it. Dammit, isn’t it time I was heckled‽

Okay, trick question. Of course I don’t WANT to be heckled. Who the hell has time for that? I want to be adored, just like the Stone Roses. But what I’d like and what I’m willing to accept are two slightly different things.

So here’s my offer: ASK ME A QUESTION… AND I WILL WRITE SOME FICTION ESPECIALLY FOR YOU. No idea what. Might be great. Might be crap. No promises of quality or length. But I WILL use said fiction to answer your question, and I will do it creatively, and if I get enough questions, I’ll even put the answers into a larger story and publish it free to fans only. Don’t look at me like that. I’m not saying how long it will take me to do this amazing thing. It may not be ready until spring for all you know.

What I’m saying is, I will do this cool thing if you get just a little more involved in this blog. I don’t really regard it as desperation. I’m just tired of writing articles for spambots, and want to see that I’m really talking to actual people. And I’m willing to do this really crazy thing as a reward for simply proving that you are a real boy or girl. How cool is that? I don’t know. I’m just talking to myself and listening to Jellyfish sing Hold Your Head Up/Hello, as far as I know. No question as to whether I’m going to continue the blog or flounce off in a huff if I get no responses.

I may start referring to you all as spambots, though. Let that be your warning.

Any questions?


2 Comments leave one →
  1. Trevin permalink
    December 12, 2011 12:28 PM

    Have you ever considered transcendental meditation?

  2. Charlotte E. Barclay permalink
    December 12, 2011 3:15 PM

    Trevin! I do bump into you in the strangest places, don’t I?

    Anyway, this post makes me even more resolved than usual not to start a blog of my own, because I’d be in the same boat as you, Eddie, except I’d never bother updating. But since you requested questions, why do I keep getting spam for erectile dysfunction medication? Don’t those spammers know I don’t have the right parts for that sort of thing?

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